Stop It, Commercials

1st Annual Super Bowl Commercial Round-Up: The Results

Posted in Uncategorized by hendyhendel on February 17, 2010

After re-experiencing the commercials, I have reached a conclusion: No one cared. No agency. No company. No consumer. No one tried, no one connected. It was a complete waste of a venue (thank God the game itself was decent, because all of the icing on the SB cake was barely palatable).

To start off, the BEST:

This was difficult, because nothing was impressive and definitely did not endure. Betty White/Abe Vigoda was a good laugh at the time, but once that surprise is gone, the commercial is pretty hollow. One could argue the best commercial was the Dove Men’s, because I saw the product in CVS and bought it, for no discernible reason, but since we’re judging commercials on their entertainment value first and their effectivity second, Dove does not win. The best commercial of Super Bowl XLIV was Monster.com:

Does it sell the product? No. Does it connect to the product? Hardly. Is it fun to watch a beaver playing the fiddle for all of 30 seconds? Hell fuckin’ yeah. End of story.

In a close second was the E-Trade baby with his girlfriend, only for the use of the word “milkaholic.”

And now, the WORST:

This one was also difficult as well, since it takes legitimate investment in something to make it truly awful (see: the Twilight film). Since there was minimal investment in these commercials, the apathy was more offensive than the ads. However, two commercials were mutually representative of all wrong with this round of Super Bowl spots.

First, the “Green Police” ad from Audi:

This ad is despicable for it’s ass-backwards message. “We have a green car — not for the environment, but so that we can brag to all those fucking hippie scientists. Fuck you, issues!” Even if Audi pretended to give a crap about the environment, this would be more respectable. However, they insult everyone who believes that climate change can be slowed by little life changes (you know, the PEOPLE THEY’RE TARGETING WITH THIS AD). Audi is laughing at the very reason they have to decrease emissions. In the end, this commercial tries to sprinkle magic Irony Powder all over a real concern people have, trying to show detachment from a topic that people are tired of joking about (same goes for Auto-tune…I’m looking at you, Bud Light…)

speaking of Bud Light:

This commercial embodies two problems with this year’s set of SB ads: 1) Too many Bud Light ads, and 2)a hatred for women that goes beyond bro-seph homo-eroticism and is balls-to-the-face sexist. This ideal stuck out the most with the Dodge Charger ad where men list the things they do that they no like to do (a woman’s group has released a subsequent YouTube video that has the understated effectiveness of a scorned woman’s glare), but this moist pile pulls its wretched weight. It reads like a romantic comedy written by someone who has never met a real man or woman and was instead presented with a hastily assembled check-list of things each gender likes (Men = “the game,” beer; Women = book clubs). This scenario is so unbelievably horrendous, that watching it play out is akin to watching a bomb explode and wondering if you’ll get hit by shrapnel. This commercial did not even try to redeem itself by giving the men something remotely intelligent to say about a piece of literature, instead opting for attempts at jokes (apparently this sole writer who has never met a real man or woman has also never heard a real joke). Hell, even the women weren’t saying anything about the damn book (book clubs are odd entities, it’s true, but the club usually consists of people who have heard of “books”), and looked like they were desperately waiting for the man to take them over and save them from the devastating burden of thinking. This commercial insults me, both as an intelligent man and as some who loves and appreciate women, and that is why it can be the FUCKING WORST of the 2010 Super Bowl.

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